'Coming out' is a term which is understood differently by different people. But it's commonly used to describe the act of telling someone else that you're same-sex attracted and/or trans. However coming out is really not just the act of telling someone that you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans, but a process of accepting and dealing with your own sexuality or gender identity and then making the decision to tell other people about it.

The process of accepting and dealing with your sexuality or gender identity, or coming out to yourself, often involves reviewing everything you have been taught about sex, relationships and future aspirations. For some, this is a fairly simple exercise but for others it's much more difficult. But it's a rite of passage that all same sex attracted and gender diverse people go through. Part of the process is becoming aware of your feelings and accepting them as a normal part of your life.

Telling other people about your sexuality and/or gender identity is an issue that never goes away. Each time you meet a new person you have to consider if you want them to know about that part of your life. In most cases it becomes easier to tell others the more often you do it.

Benefits of coming out

• You don’t have to hide, lie or make up stories about what you have been doing, thinking or feeling
• Acceptance by the people that mean the most to you
• You can talk more openly and honestly with your friends and family
• You have more freedom to express your true feelings and ideas without having to censor yourself
• Your friends and family can get to know you a lot better

Some reasons why people choose not to come out

• The possibility of rejection by some friends or family
• In some cases there may be a risk involved, such as violence or being kicked out of your home
• Some friends or family may not accept your sexuality or gender identity and continue to pretend that you're not same-sex attracted
• Some people may think that this is just a phase that will pass
• If you're married, it may lead to separation or divorce
• There may be religious issues or conflicts
• In some areas there may be a lack of privacy, so if you come out to one person everyone will know

This is not a check list for deciding when and who to come out to. Nor does it cover all the issues involved in telling somebody that you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans. You should only use this as a guide to some of the issues you might need to consider. Take time to consider the specific aspects of your own situation.

More info

Contact: ACON's Fun & Esteem Project (for guys) or the Young Women's Project

Tel: (02) 9206 2000
Free Call: 1800 063 060
Hearing Impaired: (02) 9283 2088

E-mail: youth@acon.org.au