Relationships

Pic from The Birds & the Birds: The Lesbian Sex Workbook.
Image courtesy of Jade Muratore.

We have many different relationships in our lives, with family, friends, ourselves, sexual relationships, and of course romantic relationships. If we're to believe the messages of the media and mainstream society, it can be easy to believe that there is a ‘perfect relationship.’ Of course, what is ultimately most perfect for you may not be perfect for somebody else!

There are lots of stereotypes out there about same-sex relationships. Examples of these stereotypes include ideas that gay men can’t have monogamous relationships at all (only casual sex), or that lesbians want to move in with each other after the first date. In reality, many different types of relationships exist – what works for one person may not work for another.

All relationships require hard work and negotiation – it’s often not as easy as society makes out. At the same time, there exist certain unique social constraints on same-sex relationships, such as fear of being ‘outed’ to our friends and family, the fear of homophobic or gender-based violence, religious persecution within some of our communities, or the lack of legal recognition of some of our relationships (marriage, for example, continues to be defined under Australian federal law as between a man and a woman). Click here for more info about homophobia.

Of course, with effort and persistence, our relationships with one another can be loving and fulfilling, despite these barriers. Indeed, sexual and gender diverse people have unique and wonderful ways of organising our relationships with one another!

Types of Relationships

Monogamous - Refers to two people who commit to remaining sexually exclusive with each other, with no partners outside of their relationship.
Celibate - Celibate is used to describe a person who chooses to abstain from all sexual activities. By definition, celibacy is a freely chosen state of practising sexual abstinence. There are many reasons why someone might choose to refrain from sexual activity for a significant period of time. Some people have religious reasons, others simply choose abstinence because they wish to prioritise other projects in their lives besides actively pursuing sex.
Open relationships - This is a broad term used to describe relationships that are not sexually monogamous. These can take many forms.
Polyamorous - Used to describe someone who practices polyamory, or many (poly) loves (amor). This is when a person has more than one intimate relationship at one time and all the individuals involved have agreed to this arrangement. Another term for polyamory is ‘ethical non-monogamy.’ This could involve dating many people, or having multiple partnerships. Click here for more info on polyamorous relationships.
Polyfidelity - Describes when three or more people are in an exclusive sexual arrangement. This operates much like monogamy, but there are just more people involved.
Primary partners - A person may have more than one sexual or romantic partner at a time, but they may also have a particularly intimate relationship with one individual. This person may be considered their ‘primary partner.’
Intimate relationships - Intimate relationships may be physical, emotional or both. Intimate relationships as such provide a social network of people that builds strong emotional attachments needed to fulfil a person’s need to belong, and the need to be cared for.

Find out more

For more information on different ways to have healthy, happy relationships with other men, click here.
For more information on different ways to have healthy, happy relationships with other women, click here.

If you or someone you know is in a relationship with someone that may involve a form of abuse, it’s really important that you access support – and there are lots of organisations that can help you.

ACON’s Anti-Violence Project

Another Closet - Domestic Violence in GLBT Relationships

ACON’s Counselling Service

The Gay & Lesbian Counselling Service